Many times I would wish that they had gone further but they probably neither had the nerve nor the imagination. We were actually starting to unleashing feelings that many would think would have been better off being suppressed. Our games gave us a perfect alibi. You can imagine that I was dreaming of our games many a night and how they could advance further. At the same time, I had to restrain myself not to go to far. Already then, I realized that I had to be very discreet and as I grew up, my obsession became a very secret part of myself. Dating boys I found just boring as nobody realized what I was longing for and I had no one to talk to about it. Sex in some way felt like a half measure without what I was dreaming of. In all secrecy, I started practising self discipline in my early teens and afterwards, everything felt just so much more meaningless and empty. It was not just a dream. It developed into a craving for pain and humiliation that I neither could or wanted to control. I. "Man Billy, just wait…girls are going to be throwing pussy at you". He'd say. Once in high school, my 4 years were spent at parties in the back room with some freshman girl. Id drop my pants and watch as their eyes shot open at what dangled in front of them. I got used to a few things. First; was them despite being known as the campus hoe, saying that theyd rather suck it than fuck it. Second; was getting use to hand jobs. We all know the felling. Wanting pussy but instead having to receive a handjob. Im sure most men don’t mind. But imagine just handjob and BJs for the rest of your life. After four years of no pussy. I assumed college would be just a bit better. I remember my first college party. I spent all night charming a tall blonde. She played for our schools vollyball team. I remember following her firm ass to a back room, I remember us sloppily kiss. Finally my dick was about to bust through my pants. But instead of just dropping my pants, I laid her down…foreplay a bit….In.
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